I’d love to put together an intelligent review of the Johnny Manziel era in Cleveland, but truth be told, I missed it. I had to work that day. As most Browns fans will agree, that was a pretty damn good day to be stuck at work. For Manziel’s hugely anticipated first NFL start, the Bengals humiliated us on our home turf, all the while mocking Johnny’s monumental failure by throwing up his “money sign”. Incidentally, this appears to have become some sort of douchebag gang sign. I’m very thankful that I was not featured on Sportscenter in the sea of brown and orange pouty-faced drunks. I’ve never seen so many sad looking grown-ups in one panoramic sweep.
Just like that, the love affair was over. We’d been catfished by Johnny and every damn one of us knew it. He wasn’t here to sweep us off our feet and finally bring us “just one before I die”. Let’s face it…. Unless one of our receivers happens to be a Nissan Altima with the driver’s side window open, the ball isn’t landing where it’s supposed to go. Not even close.
Surely, the Browns would acknowledge the egregious mistake to start him in the first place, right? Oh hell no. Not only did they pull our original starter, completely shattering any shred of confidence he may have retained, but they acted like a third grade girl by not admitting the mistake. What happened in Carolina for Manziel’s next (and last) start is no big surprise. I won’t lie, if it’s me in Johnny’s cleats, I clutch my hammy and beg for my clipboard back too. Johnny Boy is done for the year and Hoyer is hurt as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if the official report on him notes “feelings” as the area of injury.
I tried to get excited, but I always knew in the back of my mind that it was too good to be true. We don’t deserve nice things, do we? Hey, I really attempted to be a shot glass is half full kind of girl. Don’t you remember when the Browns were in first place? That was the best 6 1/2 days ever! Boy, those were some good times.
In a nutshell, as we enter the final week of the season, we have TWO broken quarterbacks and Rex F’in Grossman is too busy next week to get paid to play here. He has “holiday plans”. How’s that make you feel? Rex would rather tip back a few glasses of eggnog and play awful board games with relatives he probably can’t stand than play a single game in a Browns uniform. If that’s not a curse, I don’t know what is.