I love drinking games. I can turn pretty much anything into one. In fact, I’m playing one right now while writing this. Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to spend a little time with friends of mine who happen to be twins. In fact, they’re dangerously close to surpassing Matthew and Gunnar Nelson as my all time favorite adult male twins. I’m certain I’m guilty of it as well… But people tend to say and do some strange things around people who share the same faces. It seems that even complete strangers have no problem approaching and asking asinine questions. Some of them act like they’ve just seen a unicorn. Do you see where I’m going with this? Holla! Yes! The twins drinking game! You don’t have to be a twin to play along. Shit, I don’t care if you play it during Full House reruns as you attempt to determine whether Mary Kate or Ashley is playing Michelle Tanner at any given moment. I’ll outline a few simple rules, but feel free to add your own.
If someone approaches with the question, “Are you twins?” regardless of how obvious it may be; Everybody takes one drink. Incidentally, the answer to this question should always be ‘no’, even if the twins in question are fused together at the collar bone.
Someone says “Double Trouble”, probably while winking and/or doing the fake gun motion with their right hand; Everyone takes two drinks.
Someone says “Package deal”; Everyone takes one drink (after they stop giggling because someone said “package”).
If someone launches into a ridiculously irrelevant story about how many times they’ve seen ‘Parent Trap'; Everybody takes one drink. If the perpetrator makes it clear that it was the Lindsay Lohan version, immediately take that person’s drink. They don’t deserve to have any fun. EVER.
If someone asks one twin, “Are you the good one”? (Side note… It will inevitably be a middle aged balding guy laughing uncontrollably at his own joke, like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever said. And, it probably is.) Punch him in the throat, removing all doubt that the aforementioned twin is the good one. Everyone finishes the drink in their hand.
Every time someone calls one twin the wrong name; Shots for everyone! This will likely happen a lot, so you’re welcome. If things start to get too crazy, you might want to place a secret mark on one of them with a sharpie or lip liner so you quit making the same mistake repeatedly. I mean, remembering which shirt someone’s wearing can be tricky. (I’m assuming adult twins would be dressed differently. However, if you’re at a children’s birthday party for adorable matchy twins, ignore my sarcastic comments and drink up).
This next one will take some advance planning amongst your twins… If someone asks, “Do you do everything together?” or “Can you read each other’s minds?” ; Everyone takes one drink, except for one twin who deliberately does not, just to prove a point. That point is that you’re basically an asshole for asking. If said twins really can read each other’s minds, feel free to skip the advance planning part. They’ll ‘just know’.
If someone pinches one twin and asks whether or not the other one feels it; the entire party should immediately start putting all their drinks on that guy’s tab for the rest of the night. He’s a tool.
I look forward to someday teaching my toddler twin nieces this game. As for the rest of you, I’m sure you can rustle up some twins to play along with you. Doesn’t your former neighbor’s dentist’s cousin have a set? I’m sure you feel compelled to mention that every time you see twins.