22
Oct
09

Cleveland Sports Curse

There's no crying in baseballAnyone who has spent any amount of time in Cleveland is aware of the ‘curse’ we’ve been under for over 45 years. Don’t even try to argue the Cleveland Crunch soccer championships… no one cares. I’m not sure I agree with the logic behind the curse. Is it bad luck or just bad decisions? I can’t speak for anyone else, but I didn’t really appreciate the MLB Playoff match-up of Cliff Lee v CC Sabathia. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the Cleveland Indians were able to secure such top caliber pitching talent? Oh wait… they both used to wear Tribe uniforms. Isn’t THAT a bitch! The Indians probably aggravate me more than any other Cleveland team because I’m a huge baseball fan. With that being said, there’s not much worse than bad baseball. I’m one of those losers that can score a game or calculate an ERA in my head, while most of my female friends think that ‘ERA’ is laundry detergent. I get pissy if someone doesn’t understand which way the ‘K’ faces when recording a strike-out, and I know the rules of the game inside and out. I’m also pretty irked by the name change. What used to be Jacobs Field aka ‘The Jake’ is now Progressive Field. By definition the word progressive is as follows: Promoting or favoring progress toward better conditions or new policies, ideas, or methods. I love sarcasm as much as the next guy… but C’mon!

Every year a group of jackasses pickets at Progressive Field before baseball games because they’re all bent out of shape that the team’s named the ‘Indians.’ Really? You’re that worked up over the cartoon logo, ‘Chief Wahoo’? Is there seriously a relative of yours that bears a striking resemblance to the scarlet faced, grinning chief? Let me guess… your Uncle Dave’s Indian name is ‘Crouching Catcher Hidden Championship’, so it really strikes a nerve? Here’s a piece of advice, buy the hat with the script “I” logo and move on with your life. Chances are Chief Wahoo will get traded to the Twins in a package deal with Slider anyways. The last thing I want is to feel like I’m entering an abortion clinic anytime I head out to the ballpark. Someone asked me how I’d feel if the team were named the ‘Cleveland Guidos’, mocking my Italian heritage. Are you kidding me? I would LOVE that. Shit, they could start pitching with meatballs for all I care. The opposing bullpen could be called ‘Al Capone’s Vault’. When the starting pitcher loses steam, they’d open the door and there wouldn’t be anything in there. Dress up the Grounds Crew like little gangsters and have them rake the field to the always catchy tune ‘The Hitman’. Every time an opposing player hits a homerun, he gets some brand new cement shoes and a one way ticket on the Jet Express to Put-In-Bay. That my friends would be a fun day at the ballpark!

I’m not even sure what to say about the Browns this year. The only Quarterback controversy we have brewing is who sucks more. If we had a contest based on head shots, clearly Brady Quinn takes the prize, but otherwise it’s a dead heat race. He really needs to stick to endorsing deodorant and energy drinks. He looks so much better sans helmet. The Browns helped me discover my love of fantasy football. I needed something to look forward to on Sundays besides the pizza and beer. So, now I get to pretend that Randy Moss is on my team every week. It’s like when a guy realizes that his wife is an annoying nag and she’s never going to lose the baby weight since the kid’s now ten years old. He turns to porn which is the fantasy football of relationships. You get to construct the perfect team that’s obviously way better than the one at home. If someone gets boring, you can trade them or cut them with a click of the mouse. Over the years, the Browns have made me feel like a battered wife of sorts. I keep breaking up with them, but in the end I always go back for another ass kicking. The only difference is that they never apologize or send flowers afterwards.

The Cavaliers are probably this town’s best shot at a championship, but to be honest basketball has never been my favorite sport. I don’t really understand the draw. It appears that the owner, Dan Gilbert is very committed to winning and doing whatever it takes to get the ring. LeBron’s obviously a power house and this could be his last year. Look at the influence that guy has. He single handedly got Braylon Edwards traded. In my opinion, Braylon should send a thank you card and a fruit basket for that. All of the Browns players should start picking fights with LeBron’s posse. They’re only a few ‘Yo Mama’ jokes away from a one way ticket out of here. I’m not even going to bust out ‘Maybe next year’. When it’s all said and done, we all remember ‘The Shot’, ‘The Drive’ and ‘The Fumble’. We’re constantly reminded of it by ESPN analysts and other national media outlets. There were death threats against Jose Mesa after the Tribe lost the 1997 World Series to the Marlins who were an expansion team. Damn, we could have carried through on that threat if the Cleveland Guidos were around.

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3 Responses to “Cleveland Sports Curse”


    • 2 Jen J
      December 24, 2009 at 12:21 pm

      Interesting coming from a website called icecream.com. THAT’S not boring! “Where do you eat icecream?”… So Stupid. But, thanks for reading anyways. Sorry if it’s over your head.

  1. 3 Jen D
    January 6, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Who allows themselves to be called “dishy dishy” anyway??? Sounds like a porn star


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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

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