The Broad’s Side of Vices

As you may have guessed, I am a huge advocate of being allowed to have an opinion and express it freely. If you ask for said opinion, you’d better be prepared for the honest truth. Don’t expect a sugar coated bullshit assessment from me. With that being said, I think that when you express these views, you need to be cognizant of the reality that everyone’s convictions are different. We should all be entitled to judge things our own way. This is the exact reason I suffered a meltdown while watching CSI the other night. I typically blast past commercials because I can’t tolerate live television. One ad caught my eye because it was about Issue 3 in Ohio, which revolves around building four casinos in cities around the state, including Cleveland. I’m all about listening to the facts and hearing arguments for both sides, but I wasn’t compelled to hit the polls until this gem came on my TV. It was a cartoon devil laughing in a very evil manner with the big “VOTE NO” caption. This little prick went on to describe how voting yes on this particular issue would essentially make me the worst parent ever. It would put the nail in the coffin for all of society. People who gamble are deviants and casinos attract prostitutes and homeless people. Violent crime would skyrocket and every bad hand in Blackjack is a suicide waiting to happen. Have you been to Cleveland? Don’t get me wrong… I love my city. Do we really think that a Casino will create NEW prostitutes and hobos? Who’s sitting around thinking, “Awesome, now that we have a Casino I can finally take a crack at those $20 blowjobs I’ve been dreaming of”? You’re telling me that people are finally going to make that move to be homeless because that whole shelter thing’s getting played out? If the worst thing that happens is they all gather in one place, what the hell’s the problem? Sounds genius to me. If you want to avoid hookers… stay away from the casino. On the flip side, you’ll know where to look if you ever need a good one.

I love to gamble…in fact there’s not much I won’t bet on. I’ve been known to wager on the blood pressure machine at Giant Eagle on occasion. Try that the next time you’re in line at the Pharmacy. You get some interesting looks when you challenge strangers to the high blood pressure contest. I play in fantasy football leagues for money and just about any office pool sounds like a great idea to me. My favorite game in Vegas is the money wheel, and I’m a slut for slots (not literally… I just really like it). Does this make me a bad parent? According to cartoon Satan… yep. As I sat there watching this ridiculous, fact-less, last ditch effort by the campaign, steam was coming out of my ears. I was on my couch wishing I was at Giant eagle because I’d clearly be crowned high blood pressure champion if I was. Basically, my decision to get out of bed the next day and vote yes on Issue 3 was based partly on the stimulation of the economy and partly out of spite. I guess you could say that the devil made me do it.

This next part will most likely make me appear to be insensitive, but that’s ok because I don’t expect you to agree with my opinion. I find it interesting that as a society we’ve created all these new diseases based entirely on man-made issues. Gambling can be considered a disease, as well as alcoholism, bulimia and sexual addiction. I realize there’s probably some truth behind the legitimacy of these addictions, but it’s bothersome. At what point do you get diagnosed with some of these maladies? Is there ever a conversation where someone says, “Did you hear about Phil? He’s got the big G. Yep, it all started with a Texas Hold em tournament at Larry’s, and now he has full-blown gambling. Poor son of a bitch”. Hallmark doesn’t make a card that says ‘sorry you can’t stop betting on the ponies’. Where’s the line between being a good time and being an alcoholic? Ultimately, you still have to make the decision to drink booze. There’s a reason that the recovery groups are ‘anonymous’. There’s no Cancer Anonymous. With that being said, I have a great amount of respect for those people who recognize that there’s a problem and get the support they need to overcome it. I just think that the disease tag is a stretch. My personal view on sex addicts is that they use it as an excuse to bang random people and spare their conscience. Everyone knows that internet porn is the gateway drug to orgies and sex while dressed like giant rabbits. I’m just not buying that this behavior can’t be controlled. Look at Michael Douglas. He’s a recovering sex addict, and if Catherine Zeta Jones’ T-Mobil commercials haven’t pushed him over the edge, nothing will. It probably helps that there’s a $5 million clause in their pre-nup in the event he cheats. Well, Damn it… he’s cured! Imagine that. I’d love to be a fly on the wall in one of those sex addict meetings. How can it possibly be beneficial to get all horned up in a room full of self-proclaimed whores? We all have our vices, but does really liking something necessarily qualify it as an addiction? If you google addictions, there are hundreds of them, which apparently can all be used as a crutch if you get called out on it. A few of my favorites: ‘coin collecting’, ‘zoo sex’ and ‘joking about serious matters’. Crap… one of those three is inevitably going to land me in rehab.


1 Response to “The Broad’s Side of Vices”

  1. 1 E
    November 5, 2009 at 10:19 am

    Yea, I’m betting on the zoo sex rehab in your near future *LoL* Been there done that!! It’s true though – where do you draw the line with some of these?! I def agree that things can be controlled. Successful rehab is proof of that anyway, right?

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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

November 2009
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