Cougars and cubs and MILFS… Oh My!

Beware of the Cougar

Some women are outraged by the use of such terms such as ‘cougar’ and ‘MILF’ to describe single women who are a little more on the mature side. In my mind (which is clearly a flawed mind), it’s a compliment. As I approach 38 in a few weeks, I’d much rather be a cougar or a MILF than a spinster or a hag. You never hear some beat down, over-weight mini -van pilot being referred to as a cougar. Nobody wants to have sex with that woman. She might yearn for a 25 year old boy toy, but the truth is… a lottery win is more likely. She would probably use said windfall to fund her Cheeto addiction or buy more giant mom jeans. The facts are that some women let themselves go once they do find a man. I’ve never really understood that logic. Sure, maybe they don’t care about looking attractive for their partner because they feel like they’ve secured the prize, but what about looking attractive for themselves? It’s all about self esteem. It’s not in my DNA to suddenly allow my ass to grow five sizes or to inexplicably begin wearing floral, tent-like blouses. And, if I hear one more ‘baby weight’ excuse, I’m going to snap. Let’s try this out: Don’t use pregnancy as an excuse to stuff your fat face for nine months and then blame your baby for your figure afterwards. That’s bullshit, so stop whining and get on a treadmill. It’s exactly why I’m a MILF and you’re not.

People who are offended fall into two categories. The first is the unattractive, frumpy chick who gets all bent out of shape about it, but the reality is that nobody would ever use it to describe her. She secretly wishes she could bag a young stud, but her 1980’s feathered hair style removes all hope. The second is the women who are intelligent, older women who are still smoking hot but don’t understand what the term suggests. They have this vision of a cougar being some old lady on the prowl looking for random sex from the 20 something contingency. It’s not about promiscuity and the word doesn’t insinuate that you’re a trifling whore. In a nutshell, the young guys that undeniably wanted to have sex with the 25 year old version of you would like the 35 year old interpretation even more. Hell, I was so insecure and awkward about sex in my twenties. It escapes me why anyone would be interested in that. It couldn’t have been very good. The cubs that pursue these women are onto something. It’s a well known fact that women don’t peak sexually until 35. This is when it all starts to click for us. We become more confident and comfortable which creates a willingness to explore and breaks down a lot of boundaries. Odds are we’ve learned a few tricks along the way.

I don’t necessarily think that you need to start tagging 22 year olds to fit the bill; however it is a critical element that you know those 22 year olds (these boys are called cubs…isn’t that adorable?) would jump at the chance. I don’t have anything in common with someone that young, and for me a huge part of sexual attraction comes from the mind. There needs to be a different level of connection that I don’t think someone that young is able to offer me. I don’t want to date a guy who says ‘dude’ repeatedly or wears a college tee shirt of a school he happens to be currently attending. Now with that being said… I have no problem ravaging someone younger than me. Let’s be realistic, a lot of men also let themselves go to shit as well. Why would I want to subject myself to a giant beer gut or wayward nose hairs that are more predominant than the hair on his head? I try to stick within a decade in age difference though. It’s such a double standard that it’s generally accepted for a man to date someone much younger. We don’t attach some ridiculous label to them and consider them over-sexed predators. Their fat, balding friends high-five them and congratulate them on their success. I for one am fully embracing the cougar movement. If some young buck wants to consider me a MILF, that’s just fine too. I’m extremely proud of the fact that I’m a mom and if I rank as ‘do-able’… so be it. Why would that bother me? In fact, maybe I should have some tee- shirts printed up.


2 Responses to “Cougars and cubs and MILFS… Oh My!”

  1. April 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Uhmm it means your getting better with a little age. When I turned 40 all the guys came out of the woodwork and I couldn’t believe how many guys were lined up to date me. Sure does make a girl feel special. You should embrace the inevitable… I did and glad I did.

  2. September 12, 2012 at 8:31 pm

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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

May 2010
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