The Broad’s Side of… Cinco de Mayo

Most people probably have no idea where Cinco de Mayo originated or why the hell anyone celebrates it. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just some genius marketing campaign orchestrated by the fine folks at Corona. In a nutshell, it’s a Mexican holiday which commemorates the unlikely victory of the Mexican Militia over much stronger and larger French forces that invaded Puebla on May 5, 1862. If you ask me, the Mexican water supply was a likely contributor to the cause. Who’s really on top of their game with a colossal case of the runs? I imagine it was a lot like if your beer league softball team defeated the Yankees in an exhibition game. Let’s not kid ourselves, it doesn’t mean anything, but it’s impressive nonetheless. The French came back and occupied Mexico less than a year later, so understandably we’ve been celebrating this insignificant event in history for 150 years. Cinco de Mayo isn’t widely observed in Mexico by any means, and in fact is largely limited to the state of Puebla. This is where we step in… typical American assholes. We hi-jack their little holiday and turn it into an excuse for a bunch of drunk idiots to get together, eat tacos and engage in borderline racist behavior. I’d be pissed if I were Mexican! It’s like the Texas incident all over again. Evidently, we just can’t resist taking shit from them. We’re like a really mean older brother giving Mexico a wedgie every chance we get.

With that being said, I’m sure that I will be compelled to fuck up an enchilada and perhaps a margarita or two when all is said and done. I don’t feel like I can miss out because it’s always such a shit show. If you have ever had the urge to go out in public and make a complete ass out of yourself… this is your big shot. Just don’t be disappointed when nobody notices. The competition is fierce and you’d really have to pull something out of your sombrero to rise to the top. I’m sure I’ll see the Macarena, the Mexican Hat Dance or some strange morphing of the two as the evening progresses. There will be ponchos, horrible imitations of accents and jokes about Mexican guys doing maintenance work or mowing lawns for a living. I just feel sorry for the people who work at Don Pablos or anywhere else that even sounds remotely like it would serve Mexican fare. I’d be willing to bet money that anyone with any Mexican heritage (except the ones that have to work in the kitchen at Don Pablos that night) wants no part of this thing we’ve created. They’re not going to be out on the town guzzling Dos Equis and eating Burritos. They’ll wake up from their siestas and find something much more entertaining to do.


1 Response to “The Broad’s Side of… Cinco de Mayo”

  1. 1 Sweet Trouble
    May 5, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Well, being of French and Mexican origin, I can say I have never participated in this Holiday. Not necessarily on purpose, I just never have. Maybe every May 5th I’m busy, or have my kids or just don’t feel like going out. Of course THIS YEAR, I actually want to and can’t. Only for the fact that I think today would be the perfect day to de-virginize myself and try the Tequila, Hot Sauce, Pickle Shot!! I know it didn’t originate in Mexico, and they’d probably be royaly disgusted by such a thing, but still…. how perfect would it have been? I know you’ll be doing this shot today Jen. So, think of me…. and Cheers! Or whatever Mexicans say when they toast.

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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

May 2010
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