09
Oct
10

I’ll Tell You How I like it…

This week there was yet another secret Facebook wave of status updates designed to make all you men out there wonder what the hell all those wacky broads were talking about. The objective was to start your message with ‘I like it…’ and conclude it with something original like ‘on the coffee table’ or ‘right by the front door, baby!’ Here’s the wild and crazy part: Wait for it… It had nothing to do with how or where these chicks liked to get banged. I’ve lost your interest already haven’t I, boys? The punchline here is that it’s all about where women fling their cheap Target purses when they arrive home. Tee Hee! We got you good, didn’t we? And you thought your fat Aunt Marge was trumpeting proudly that she ‘likes it in the hall closet.’ I don’t really care for Facebook or anyone on it telling me what to do, but I couldn’t resist the urge to compose my own ‘I like it…’ update. Here it goes: ‘I like it when my guy takes it from me in public, preferably amidst large groups of people. I find that it makes him feel awkward, other guys feel a bit uncomfortable, and it almost always ensures that no other women will talk to him.’ I was de-friended eight times for being insensitive because evidently it has something to do with Breast Cancer awareness.

Last year, the gimmick was to post just a color as your status… white, black, leopard print, you get the gist. In honor of breast cancer awareness month, this was actually the color of your bra. At least this movement made a little more sense to me. There’s a clear cut relationship between boobs and bras, and I can’t argue against that point with any conviction. I don’t know about your friends list, but I don’t want to envision the majority of mine partially naked. I don’t need to know that your gigantic nursing bra is beige with baby puke stains. ‘But, Jen this is about Breast Cancer awareness!” As if I’m not completely aware of breast cancer, or any other cancer for that matter. I wouldn’t wish that crap on my worst enemy (Jennifer Love Hewitt), don’t even get me started on her and her ‘Wonderland’ of a body according to that douche, John Mayer. I’m fairly confident that I’m 100% against Cancer in any form. What kind of asshole is FOR Cancer? People are acting like I walked around wearing an ‘I Love Cancer’ tee shirt, for Christ’s sake. I just choose to take a more logical approach and possibly donate to the cause or maybe participate in a walk. If you want to know what color my bra is, it’ll cost you a minimum of two drinks and perhaps some witty banter. Fair enough?

What does a handbag full of lip gloss and tampons have to do with Cancer, you ask? Hell if I know. I was even more concerned by the decision to involve sexual innuendo. How is being a trifling whore assisting in the crusade against malignant breast lumps? Oh, that’s right… It’s not. I also feel like women may be under the impression that men are a hell of a lot more interested in what we say and do than they actually are. I highly doubt that there was a network of men out there trying to crack this code. It’s more likely they glanced at your status update and shrugged, “Hmm… Tricia likes to bang on the ottoman. Good to know. I’ll file that little nugget for future reference.” These dudes surely weren’t hoping that they’d soon find a cure for Breast Cancer based on it. I’m sure there will be a trickledown effect and we’ll continue to see these updates as the less Facebook savvy women catch wind of it. I can’t wait until next year when we find away to talk about make-up with a seemingly blowjob centric theme in order to make everyone aware that Cancer still sucks.

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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

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