Are you sure you want me to guess?

We all remember an exchange in our childhood such as: “Mom, I really want to go to this sleepover. Sandy’s going.” Mom thinks she’s being super slick when she responds with the dreaded, “If Sandy jumped off a cliff, would you too?” Theoretically, this is the end of the conversation. It’s mom’s way of letting you know that she doesn’t give a rat’s ass what Sandy’s doing. You’re not going because she said so. Unfortunately, my tendency to be a smartass began at a very tender age. Nothing pisses people off more than when you answer questions that are intended to be rhetorical. I became keenly aware of this based on my dear mother’s reaction when I started assessing the risk involved with jumping off the cliff. How high is this cliff? Is there water beneath it that might provide for a painless, perhaps even fun filled landing? She was not entertained. Needless to say, I was. If you haven’t played this game, I highly suggest you try it immediately. It’s simple really.

Rhetorical questions are often used by politicians during debates. It’s genius when you think about it. They avoid stating something as an outright fact by phrasing it as a question that requires no answer. They get the point across and if someone were to call them out on the accuracy at a later time, they were simply posing a question. Can’t fault them for that, can you?

A twist on the flat out rhetorical line of questioning is the ‘Guess’ angle. Everyone has that friend that’s constantly asking you to guess, and yet never really offering you the opportunity to do so. Rude, right? I certainly think so! Let’s work out a few examples, shall we?

Guess what I just did:

A. Crack?
B. Well, it wasn’t sit-ups. C’mon… give me a hint
C. 40 mph in a 35 mph zone?
D. Buried a hooker in your back yard?

Guess where I’m going:

A. To K-Mart to return that shirt?
B. You mean besides Hell?
C. Probably not a Mensa meeting.
D. I hope to get those roots done.

Guess what I just got:

A. Your AARP card in the mail?
B. Fired? I’ve noticed your attitude is pretty shitty.
C. An unsightly pimple?
D. Party plates?
E. Out on bail?

The list goes on and on. Make it a mission to answer these imposter questions any chance you get. Why ask if you don’t want a god-damned answer? Next time someone has a bad day and bellows, “Why me?” go ahead and tell the poor asshole why. My guess is that it’s a long time coming.


2 Responses to “Are you sure you want me to guess?”

  1. 1 George
    October 13, 2010 at 6:27 am

    Not sit-ups…lol So glad I subscribed to you last year.

  2. June 18, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Wow, superb blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
    you made blogging look easy. The overall look
    of your website is wonderful, as well as the content!

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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

October 2010
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