15
Mar
11

‘The Bachelor’- After The Final Hos

Will you accept this rose?

I’ll readily admit that I tuned into the Bachelor season finale to see which lucky girl Brad Womack would undoubtedly break up with almost immediately. I may have, in fact DVR’d the entire season… don’t judge me. I have to confess that I was looking for a trainwreck. I was secretly hoping for a shark to rip off one of Brad’s limbs during his final date with Chantal. Better yet, how great would it have been if one of the final contenders had sex with his WAY hotter twin brother during ‘meet the parents’ night? Brad reminds me of a rejected Muppets character. Jim Henson evidently used up all of his good ideas and this is the turd that was produced as a result. The un-attractive, not funny, annoying Muppet nobody wanted around… Well, except all the loony women desperate for love.

A point of interest for me was the fact that Brad saw a shrink during the show on a regular basis. What the hell kind of shrink indicates that this is an acceptable way to find a healthy relationship? That guy should lose his crackerjack medical license for being within 100 yards of this situation. Does he encourage Brad to screw with the women’s heads even more? Clearly, there’s an air of instability here if they’re willing to subject themselves to this type of torment. Ladies, you were duped! I can’t recall ONE interesting thing Womack said the entire season. WHY? I don’t understand why anyone would fight over this guy. With that being said, ‘The Bachelor’ might be affecting my dating life. I have a date Saturday, and I’m curious to see if he brings 5-8 other girls or if I get the solo date. I have the routine down if it’s a group date. At some point I’ll be crying into my wine glass, while wearing a bikini. Then I’ll stab one of the other chicks in the back by suggesting that she isn’t right for him. Then I’ll announce that I love him and we’ll make-out.

At one point during the finale, Brad actually broke into a sweat, gasped for air and requested a glass of water because of a conversation with eventual ‘winner’, Emily. I have to say, it was pretty awesome to see a guy have that type of reaction to someone other than me. It’s different though because I do it for entertainment purposes. Emily is a single mother and she was really grilling this guy about becoming a father to her five year old, as the rest of us sat back and watched with sheer enjoyment. I don’t know about you… I laughed. Sweetheart, I’m a single mom as well. Even we non-boring mothers have a hell of a time finding a date. You expect him to sit through that when he knows full well that the roll in the hay later is probably going to be horrible? When it’s over, he’s going to be stuck with conversation that includes words like ‘golly’ and ‘good gracious’? Good luck with that.

It was fairly obvious by the ‘After the Rose’ segment that there will not be a trip down the aisle EVER. Brad and Emily sat awkwardly on the couch together and Emily played with her hair the entire time. Every woman on the planet knows that’s secret code for “get me out of here. I really hate this douchebag.” She’ll reap the rewards by going on to have her own reality show which will inevitably suck even more than the Bachelor. Maybe she’ll be a contestant on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ or film an independent horror film. She’d have to play a corpse though because playing a living being is too much of a stretch for that personality.

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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

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