Average Clips



Dear Great Clips,
I recently contacted you via e-mail regarding an issue I had with my seven year old daughter’s haircut. In a nutshell, it sucked. However, when I penned the original communication I wasn’t as fired up about it as I am now (largely due to the fact that you’ve essentially done nothing to remedy my problem.) Unfortunately for you and your representative “Dave” who promised to get me some sort of resolution, I have no choice but to unleash my evil mom wrath on you in a very public manner. I’ve included Dave’s response e-mail for reference as well as a photo of the shitty haircut you are responsible for. As you can see, he committed to getting back to me by the end of the week, but it’s been three weeks already. I naturally assumed that he was referring to the week we were in at the time… silly me. Clearly, he meant an upcoming week, perhaps in September (hopefully of 2013).
Dave’s response to my original complaint…

Thank you so much for bringing this very serious issue to our attention. We began investigating the incident yesterday and we will be interviewing the employees that were working the day of the incident tomorrow. Once our investigation is complete, we will contact you to make amends with you and take the necessary corrective action with the employees that were responsible for this unacceptable behavior. I should be in contact with you by the end of the week. In the meantime, and prior to us having a conversation, please accept my sincere apology. Our customers are the only reason that we are able to function as a business and we take inappropriate behavior by our employees very seriously. I will speak with you soon.


My response to Dave:
Well, Dave, I brought my child in to have a “trim” (I’m putting that in quotes because there seems to be some confusion about what that means). She had very long, beautiful hair circa one minute before entering Great Clips. I feel fairly confident that I didn’t authorize for six inches to be lobbed off. I’m pretty in tune with the fact that Great Clips isn’t an upscale salon specializing in intricate hairstyles. That’s cool. I honestly wouldn’t care if you put masking tape in a straight line across the back of my child’s hair and used it as a guide. Hell, I trimmed my sister’s hair on more than one occasion in that manner while we were growing up. What your ‘stylist’ did to this child’s head borders on criminal. Her bangs look like a pack of hungry coyotes chewed them off. They’re crooked, wayward and far too short. As far as the back, I’m not even sure how it’s possible to come to that end result using scissors. At no point did I witness the stylist using a potato peeler, an exacto knife or a pack of matches to create the unique, uneven pattern; but if I didn’t know better I’d swear that’s what happened. I would be more comfortable taking Helen Keller out for Happy Hour priced margaritas and letting her cut my only child’s hair than to have your ‘stylist’ lay hands on it ever again. Is this about the coupon, Dave? I gladly would have paid the extra $2.00 if I would have known there was a penalty attached to the coupon haircuts.
As for your assertion that there was some sort of investigation underway; I’m a bit on the confused side. You claimed that you would begin “interviewing the employees that were working the day of the incident tomorrow”. Are you a god-damned psychic, Dave? I never told you when my visit happened, and I didn’t give a last name in my e-mail that would indicate when we were there, since my daughter has a different last name than the one affiliated with my e-mail address. Did they plant some sort of weird tracking device in my daughter’s follicles while they were destroying her hair? Is that how you know my exact Great Clip whereabouts at all times? If so, is there an app for regenerating six inches of hair? That would be sweet. In closing, nobody really thinks that Great Clips is great. I mean… C’mon! We’re expecting to walk in there and get an average haircut at a reasonable price. I just thought I had a few more years of idiot proof haircuts before I needed to up the ante. Where did I put that masking tape?


9 Responses to “Average Clips”

  1. August 2, 2013 at 7:40 am

    Hi there, I check your new stuff like every week. Your
    story-telling style is awesome, keep up the good work!

  2. August 3, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on
    other sites? I have a blog based upon on the same topics you
    discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information.
    I know my viewers would appreciate your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.

  3. 4 Brittany Jewell
    August 15, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    You make me giggle like a school girl. Your blog posts are sarcastic, which I find as the perfect type of humor.

    If you’re feeling adventurous, take a tour of my blog: just-jewell.blogspot.com

  4. August 20, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    I recently had the same experience with my son at a Sports Clips chain. His cut was horrendous. It looked like he had cut it himself. I emailed the company with my complaint and a photo of the cut and to my surprise received a phone call that day. It was the manager of the store and she was very apologetic. She asked me to come in to get a refund and I told her that it was fine, I didn’t need a refund and asked that she be aware of how her employees are cutting hair.

    That wasn’t good enough for her. The next day I received an email asking me to please come in for a refund and 2 free passes for a haircut. I decided to take her up on the offer and when I arrived, she was extremely nice and genuinely apologetic. Needless to say, I think we will be returning, just with a different stylist. 🙂

  5. August 23, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Jen, love your site.

    A friend recently sent me your purse piece and, while I don’t carry a purse (or a satchel for that matter), I couldn’t agree more. Somewhere, a dead Osama Bin Laden is having the last laugh.

    I run a sports-related website and would love to exchange blogrolls. I also couldn’t find a link on here to subscribe to your site via e-mail although that might be because I’m still rubbing the crusties from my eyes. Is there such an option? Please let me know to both and keep up the creative stylings. It does a fan base good.

    • 7 Jen
      August 23, 2013 at 9:34 pm

      There is an option, but I’ve been drinking Long Island Ice Teas all day in the sun… So I’ll have to get back to you on that! I’ll check out your site this weekend. Do you have a FB fan page? Mine is Facebook.com/broadsside

  6. 8 Lin
    August 12, 2014 at 4:48 am

    Admiring the time and energy you put into your website and
    in depth information you provide. It’s great
    to come across a blog every once in a while
    that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Great read!
    I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

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About the Broad

A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

July 2013
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