24
Apr
16

Pee Party at Target!

I know this will come as a shock, but I have an opinion about something. As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed tonight, I happened upon some posts regarding a petition to boycott Target based on their willingness to let transgender individuals use the public restroom of their choosing. All I can say is that I really hope every one of the idiots who make this promise stay true to their word. I want some sort of pinky swear oath that this is a sincere movement. How glorious would that be? There’s a way to get all of the bigoted, simple-minded A-holes completely out of Target? Jackpot! Why didn’t we think of this sooner? This is the best news I’ve heard in ages.

I’m going to take a minute to try and understand the mentality of these people. Please bear with me, because I’m not fluent in bigotry and unacceptance of our fellow man. What I’m gathering here is that there’s a fear that allowing transgendered people who identify as female (but possess a penis)  into a women’s restroom will likely make the Target bathroom pedophilia rate skyrocket. I couldn’t find the current data, but I’m sure your local police department probably has documentation on the enormous number of such crimes. I mean, obviously all people who were born male, but identify as female are out to rape society’s youth in public restrooms, right? That makes perfect sense! I’m not an expert, but I’m willing to bet that these folks have been using those bathrooms all along. Oh, the horror! Your children have been precariously close to being diddled at Target for YEARS! Gasp! I’m sure the probability of being in the Target bathroom at precisely the same time as a transgendered person is overwhelmingly huge.

The bathroom bouncers clearly weren’t doing their jobs effectively. There should be an active penis screening upon entry to any public urination station. Wait… There aren’t bathroom bouncers? How can that be? Are you telling me that literally ANYONE can walk into the Target bathroom undetected at any given time? Well, that’s just crazy talk. What are we going to do about all the pedophiles wearing pants with goatees strolling into women’s bathrooms? I can only imagine that’s a huge problem as well.
I have an outlandish idea… Just hear me out. What if we all commit to being responsible parents and don’t let our young children enter public facilities unattended? I know that sounds ludicrous, but it just may work. This will stop the rash of transgender bathroom molestations once and for all. Do you know ONE person who’s experienced something like that? I’m confident that’s equatable to knowing someone who received some of Zuckerberg’s Facebook inheritance a few months back.
I am personally super excited for all of these people to immediately start hanging out in Wal-Mart bathrooms. The last time I was in one of those, I think I saw a goat. I didn’t make a big stink over it because I’m sure there’s probably a goat policy that really isn’t any of my business. Who am I to ruin that goat’s day? He or she (I didn’t ask) wasn’t hurting anyone. Kudos to Target for your inclusion policies. I applaud your efforts to make our communities a little less hateful. Who wants to meet me at Target to pee? We can get Starbucks first!
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3 Responses to “Pee Party at Target!”


  1. 1 Melissa
    April 24, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    Well I was raised in the south where traditional Christian thought and values are the norm. So I see both sides of this topic as well as most others that often inflame people. I tend to stay pretty neutral having a “live and let live” mentality. I do know that most conservative people don’t think they are bigots and they aren’t trying to be. This is how they think and feel. So I try to accept those people just like the ones who think completely the opposite way. I do think acceptance of their views by others who think a different way is necessary. If we all thought the same, the world would be a boring place. Also, being transgender isn’t the same as being gay. I have plenty of gay friends and a couple of family members. It’s a little bit harder to understand transgender. I sat through a live taping of the Dr Phil show and a lady had blinded herself because she felt like she should have been born blind. So if I get my boobs or penis removed because I think I shouldn’t have them isn’t that just a tiny bit odd? As liberal as I am, it’s just a stretch. So for the record, I’m not a bigot. I have people in my life of all colors, religions and sexual orientation. I don’t think Target’s policy is going to create more pedophilia either. But if a woman has a penis. I’d really rather that “she” use the bathroom where penises go. I’m not going to boycott Target because of this, but I just think everyone is entitled to their beliefs whether we share them or not.

    • 2 Jen
      April 24, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      That’s a well thought out statement, Melissa. I respect your views. Part of my argument is that you really shouldn’t know whether that person has a penis or not. Gender lines can get pretty blurry!

  2. May 3, 2016 at 3:41 am

    Beautifully stated, my dear.

    Here’s to leaving the seat up.


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A humorous look at dating in your mid-thirties and the other hilarious things that happen around us on a daily basis.

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